A D vowel consonant vowel

Dang. I can't get this girl out of my mind. I think it may have something to do with our names. It is freaky.

There are a few key expressions we both do.. she said she changed... there are fundamental things about a person that do not change... in the case with her I picture this hyper toddler jumping up and down on one leg.

Anyway, why she came to mind was blogger.com.

I know her to be someone that researches the details out of everything and if she uses blogger.com I can trust it. This other girl brought up the issue of trust yesterday. Michigan Radio is supposed to be on.

I just saw that she has instant access to my blog. If I were her I would be thinking did she choose to do this because of me? And start freaking out in all kinds of ways. My idea is to just ramble. and go back and edit posts sometimes. and delete posts. Like i'll probably delete this post if I stick to the organization thing. I got 4/15 on my Islam test yesterday. I'm taking the hardest level art history class they offer at Kendall. Art and Spirituality.
did I ever say what happened with Tom? he asked me if I was taking any painting this semester. I said no, i kinda dove into my own psyche a little much and had to back away for a big. I plan to paint soon. If I had a garage, I bet I would now.

Lets find a place to move to so I can paint. in a garage. And make the world happy by doing something holographic (which can't help but give you peace...)

And let her know that I don't know how to communicate with people... exactly. And this is an attempt to get where I need to be. Ah. I am where I need to be. I am writing on a computer. this beautiful amazing machine where I have learned these skills to be able to grab my thoughts, finds ways to communicate those very elusive pieces of confetti and spit them onto a screen for millions to see.

Can't be Anton Checkov. Gotta be someone new.

Role models:
Anne Frank
Nikki Giovanni
Nikolai V Gogol
Edward Munch

Then Matt told me that Gogol starved himself by just not eating. And I am going to go spend time with this guy who tells me my heros were just ordinary people.

First Entry

I go through periods where I get extremely stressed out. When we get stressed out we can't help but direct our attention towards ourselves, right? 

I am focusing on doing well therefore I will not do as well. I also have to acknowledge that for it to be polished I will have to edit it. Maybe that is a problem with writing formal papers. You have to edit them but if you don't edit them, other humans aren't going to stand what you're trying to say. If there is no point in them understanding, I don't think you should be doing what you're doing. But, maybe what you're doing is a means of getting to a place where your time is appropriate. 

We feel appropriate where our best qualities are employed.

Balancing time with others and equal time with myself is probably a problem. I feel like I have to go in to the coffee shop. But, I promised Matt I'd study with him a bit today. They seem Equally unproductive, to a point. I leave for Matts 

I didn't write about this stuff before.

It was worse.

I leave for matts in like 5 uhr vor funzten minuten. 

Etwasweg dessen Deutcsh ist mein kopf zwei  (like, double) machen. 

I forget to come to this place where languages are the most important thing around. I resist coming here. Really hard. So does Eric. and it takes a lot of work to get us there. So is it worth it to us if our effort is not helping the rest of the people? 

Aber dann mein kopf sich große machen. 

Und mein fruende gehen. (This) (spellchecker) (recognizes) (etwas) (worte). In German the word order would go : This spellchecker some words recognizes. ich weiss. ich weiss deiser Man! 

This stuff is just perceived as crazy. Maybe for good reason? Susan Eberle and Dr. Miller are teachers of mine. I wonder if they realize... that is how art effects everyone! By me learning about its functions and manifestations. And . then. putting. them . into . application. Maybe painting? But that vision is too soon.

This interaction a professor and I had at the talk with the art director and the framer/gallery owner.. he asked me if I was painting this semester and I said 

A really awesome idea is to repost this post but WITH EDITS so it becomes a different post. Maybe I will elaborate on certain pieces of what I wrote before? Maybe this will become a book and I will just get to stop stressing about all this money making business. And focus on other issues that really matter. Where did I just read...a quote somewhere about how all of the major issues plagging the world could be saved if we all weren't so selfish.

What am I doing today to not be so selfish? I am going to see Matt. I am going to call Jenn. I am going to spin tonight. And I am going to freeze my butt off if I don't get another pair of pants. 

I thought of something in art history that I read about gauguin. ...NO! I thought it was in this gauguin article but it was actually in something else. 

where did all the peeeooople go. Gotta be lonely lonely people. 

Eric is working on this drawing of this German building. I do ask myself why I let it bother me so much. I can't. Its not worth it. If what we're doing isn't working something will magically happen to force me back, if that is meant to happen, right? Or do I have a role in that? I had hoped my pursuits with Eric would be amounting to something of value but it is kind of hard to see when he sits around. But I have to remember he could say the same thing about me. At times. It is kinda freaky how we both have these spells where we feel we have to recoil from all sorts of stuff. Its like we dive in too intensely and then get burned and don't want to go back. because we know we are going to get burned. But we don't know that, do we? My brain is so engrained with the idea of change that I can not imagine staying at the same job for say..... 30 years. Robin used to train dogs. And now she is a tax lady and she is an awesome tax lady probably because she used to train dogs. 

I get serious anxiety knowing people are reading my stuff. because I get graded on grammar dudes. Part of the grandeur of a blog is that I won't have to freak out about being graded. I have to write two 7-10 page papers this semester and one 24 page paper this summer in Spain. I have got to have a solid reason to do this if I am going to find the spiritual energy I will need to complete this. Gotta go do my "light" therapy...seriously I got a sunlamp. Interesting with the emphasis of light in art and churches...