No more detail when looked at with a newspaper. All that remains are dots .. that are neither good or bad.
If seen by a ladybug, it doesn't see either stories are dots. Except nothing has changed, it is the same newspaper.
If I move, he is not going to go away. What if he needs me to move, as much as I need me to move? He often ... not always... there are piec... I think my mind just turned off the video when it had a bad thought about it. How often have I progressively been doing this?

See, one thing I was upset about was Brain, the bus driver. I kept not going to his shows, not going to his shows, and I think he started thinking I was a shit-head (as I was also starting to think) and was sending me those shit-head vibes, which I absorbed.

I own it way too much. And if I go at moving with that kind of perspective, the outcome can only be great, right? Like he says, what is the point of worrying about something. I have other things to do, that I absolutely adore. And he will join me if he gets the time. See, I am giving him time to do his own work, separate from me. That if what Ralf was trying to tell me when he said, "then you're going to have to let him go." He was trying to tell me that I am HURTING Eric by expecting him to be someone he can't be, or just can't be at this moment... He left the door open! I do that at his place all the time... so maybe it is the doors?

Nobody like this crying all the time... but the people who have been able to suffer it, I know I have benefited from them. You can't really get to the real me until you can deal with my crying and maybe realize crying is my subconscious way of making you think fast? That might be part of the reason I think fast?! I'm trying to get away from this crazy little creature that wants to drag on to my coat tails.

I like to see and feel awesome things. The sewing things I make are a reflection of the amazingness I have seen in these places. Maybe the Monks on Monacoe picked an isolated gorgeous spot to put their monestary in a breathtaking place so they would always remember to be awed. We stop being awed when nothing new comes in. When you show people that you want to see..... Melissa saw me wanting to see! No one .. well, heather did once.. hiedi and Cindy said they want to, to. I have to see if guests are allowed to come with us to the lectures. And I have to start inviting people.

A cell phone helps with that kind of stuff. It is why a cell phone is important. It is why I should go on a plan with Eric. That is a spiritual reason for having money. Must tell him. And then, this amazing piece of technology has the special power of connecting Eric and I.

Then maybe it will be easier for me to be calmer?

I freak out so bad... I don't know if I even realized how attached I was to ERica and how un-healthy it was for both of us. is. ..
I'll post some of my art history notes later?