Michael Marisi Ornstein- The Bridge

Hey, I'm thinking about volunteering March 4 for the UICA members preview. Have you ever thought about working for them? You have a membership still? How often do you think you go there? I really don't know much about it..

about the painting? first off you would describe it's coloring. Red and Blue aren't compliments.. they might be tertiary colors. I'd have to study the meaning behind tertiary color groupings (actually, all of them) on my color wheel to visualize what to think about. OK --> I got it. It's this beautiful wheel of the colors (like a prism but in a mathematical circle, not a crystal...[we just spent a week or two mentioning tantric crystals in art and spirituality]). You should look at it sometime.  Well, there is a triangle linking yellow, red and blue so the red and the blue in the picture are linked in some way. There is blue, with patches of black, that make up a shape with a head resembling a foggy figure (from the neck down the shape becomes more imprecise and less recognizable [like Klimp's use of Analytical and Didactic painting? -->where Nietzsche labeled two types?]).  

K... if that did/didn't make sense, let me know. This is something my school is trying to teach me --> to be able to talk about art; hopefully in a meaningful way!

Sometimes they want us to write 3 pages of this stuff, actually I have to write a 7-10 page paper for one of my classes on a piece of modern art. I think I am going to do one of Kandinsky's because the Art Institute of Chicago has like 13 of his pieces. Do you know Kandinsky? He wrote a book called "Concerning the Spiritual in Art" (Initially it was written in Deutsch! [German]). I own it now if you'd like to see it when I'm done with this paper. He talks about the spiritual significance of colors and the correlation of music with visual art. 

evening

Today was pretty cool. went to the gym. James cancelled on me. I don't like that I didn't get to see him but it was probably very good that it was me he was going to see after his mom scolded him. clapping is a disturbing sound. My gospel mass CD is clapping. I don't think I want to sing high. I want to sing though... poetry is a song... there we go...  Holy lord.

I went to this VSA event. They go and teach art to all kinds of schools. Tonight I went to a promotion of theirs (held at a $600 per arm chair design place). For whatever reason the "clients" they highlighted had some sort of disability. So, there I saw this special ed girl I graduated with. I had never spoke to her back then but she recognized me (said she saw me in the yearbook)  and came up and said hello. That took courage.

Then we went to Olive garden and Jeffe was really listening to me.. there was some definite bonding. I can't establish all the bonds I am without knowing where I am going, can I? May I have some sort of answer? The next step I am going to take is to go to that life raft debate

And see where it goes...
Und wo ist gehen wir sehen? so gehen is the verb but so is sehen... hm what do we do with this. I am doing some Und wir sehen wo ist gehen?

lolollolo

I bet the combination of l's and o's affects how symbol is interpreted by the recipient.

Man. I'm not sure what to do about this.

This guy gave me a doughnut.

And he fed me cheesecake. Maybe he was hinting that I have to lighten up. it was good cheesecake. But I didn't like............... benefit from consuming it, did I? I don't think so.

Was I harmed. Quite possibly. I bet cheesecake is pretty fatty.

gotta go to bed. man. tomorrow. study. go. midterm next week. Two 7-10 page papers due in about a month in a half. Get ready to hear about them. This should be an exciting tim.e Too bad no one knows about this...

why do I feel like you are they only one that wants to hear about awesome stuff... it's the podcast. Without it, I would have no idea.  Yes I would. I saw it in your eyes: just a fire. I saw in in Olivia, Mrs. Robertson, Deb...I just forget about it. It makes me sad. so i forget about it. Or rather, focus on doing something I enjoy.
I should translate some Spanish. I am going to Spain ya' know.
I am going to Spain. Voy a España. The Apple one-to-one guys taught me that. Thank yooou; I think too many people telling me I was doing to much was turning in to me thinking I was doing too much.

My skin looks wrinkly. Is that because the muscles are retracting? Is that what David meant, phisiologically, when he said it exercise helped him live longer.. exercise, exercise, exercise, I can rarely spell that word out. Hm, if I can do that with a word,  but can't read a date correctly, why is this happening?!
numbers! are one of the first things you learn in a language!
uno
dos
tres
quatro
cinco
seis
siets
nueve
diez

ein
dei
trei
fier
funf
sex
seben
 oct
nuen
tzen

Jezt, wissen du etwas mehr?
I don't know... this location does not have the answers I need...?
Or................................I'm not doing what I need to do? I have all the answers I need?
is that when I become whole?
jeepers kreepers.

all this indoors is killin me yo. But, that stuff out there does too... maybe not if I want to do whatever I'm doing? How have I forgot that? If I want the goal the "work" in between has NEVER been too much, for the past 8 or so years, and now I recognize that I have almost wholly regressed (except totally not, because now I am aware of this) to the state of one who does not like to do too much... I used to blame this behavior on my grandma - because it was true- and now I have the choice to change this behavior and not be controlled by it.  Off to gym!
why the gym? Because there are other people there. Part of exercise is other people. Without others, would anything we do really matter? Maybe.. if it helps you be someone who can function around others?

Exam in 2.5 hours. I'll update after.

Hm. I feel like singing this morning. interesting.
How can I keep from singing?
The grade above our class (chambers) sang that song.
Now our choir is singing it.  i think Deb is Mr. Rowsey in disguise. Maybe the lesson I am to learn is that Eric does do a ton around people. Isn't is a sign to me that every time (almost) ......

so. Different mode. Exam in 5 and a half hours. there were 6 lectures:
The body in art (spent a lot of time on Mary w/baby Jesus- mentioned the controversy over Jesus' genitals having to show as proof (and moral support) that he was like the other humans. --> there is that idea that religion is for comfort? Hm. why do I view that as bad? Maybe because the Cancer survivor said it... she told me these angry words. But she wasn't angry. The Brera Altarpiece by Pierre Della Fransesco.

Why do I start feeling like I need to be around them to be happy? I feel that way with Eric though..both extremes have issues.

Now take that idea into art history:  both extremes have issues: a sublime painting vs. Goya's Saturn devouring his children (late 1800's). Artists "take out all the stops" as time progresses.

I don't know if right now, when I have these images running through my head is a good time to make any drastic desicions. It's like Dr. Miller was telling me to go to GVSU. I don't know if he is a wise guide though. he seems pretty unhappy.

class 2 was emotionalism in Christian art? Peoples getting many of their values from the ideals the images of these gods contain. The images become agents: have life.



the body and sexuality (covers all the hindu goddesses, Shee La NaGig).  By being happy talking to James I was practicing my voice...)

Lanscapes - sprial Jeddi in salt lake.. robert smithson

Sacred spaces - Barabador in Java.. Wadi el Matrun.. monastery in Egypt where earlier Christian monasteries were found. Some sacred structures in Hindu are visual mandalas -- which are yantra? puja is put the sacred into movement and mantra is words.

Meteora Monastery in Greece

Skellig Michael in Ireland

San Michelle in France .. completely isolated when tide goes down

Chahar Bagh - 4 fold Islamic garden - thought that this combinatio of water/botany/ landscape design took on an implicit spiritual context 4 divine liquids, water, hone, milk, wine -->viewing platforms for participants to come and be one with the spiritual construction. Started in Mesopotamia, Assyria, Egypt then adopted by Islamic/Arabic peoples. In the desert do these man-made Oasis have  a heightened anticipation.. significant.. significant anticipation .. ya hear me.. ya hear me.... up and away in my beautiful beautiful ... give ti away? Gimmie, gimmie, hot ride in my revolution... ya hear me

tulips were in these gardens --> good symbol for how the spirit changes during its growth. A tulip doesn't resist its own growth, does it? It also can't choose.. that is a defining thing about humans, right? Maybe we develop all these structures and images because we do need guidance and there are real pleasures really trying to corrupt us. Giving up the pleasures takes something powerful to override them. 

Very strict Geometry in these structures --> sacred geometry? 

Labyrinths have 28 loops. for 28 moon cycles and the menstrual cycle.

Edmund Burke - wrote about the philosophy behind the sublime and beautiful 

monasteries are often in sublime spaces

Much like warm days as spring teases its awesomenss 

comic panel? Whole strip built by 8 different artists? the evolution of the story is in your brain.  comic strips.. jumping jacks for your brain?

build muscle with stretching weight lifting... your body thinks your new job includes lifting weight...

old lady 2 hour 5 days a week at the gym. she starting lifting weights after diagnosed with osteoporosis.

Kunst Magazine

The original article:
Wahrheit und Traum
Sachlichkeit hieß für viele Künstler und Architekten die Losung der zwanziger Jahre. Einige ihrer Kollegen aber wollten sich nicht mehr vom Verstand steuern lassen.
Verstand
steuern
lassen
Etwas tag, ich will etwas man zu

My Translation:

Truth and dream
Professionalism was called for many artists and architects the slogan of the twenties years. However, some of her colleagues did not want to be steered any more of the mind.
Mind
steer
let
Something meet, I want something one to


what I read it to be saying is that in the early twentieth century artists were expected to be professional and now artists are recoiling from being artists. Part of why I am doing it is I don't want my art to be commercial. It looses its power when it is duplicated with the sole purpose of making money. Right now, any duplications I made would be just to make money because I prefer to make things with my hands. I think the overarching thing a person gets with a duplication is the insult that they couldn't "afford" the genuine version. So, how do I avoid insulting people yet still create art?  My head gets caught in this noise of I have to create art to make money, and I really don't want to do that, with the current perspective I have now. Hmmm..

so, I just translated the first Sura in a way? No, I translated a translation. I don't know how that is going to work. I thought it would be like paraphrasing a poem with matt, perhaps? But, Sylvia and ERic ended up doing it. That is significant. RAlf would have loved to do that.. Adena... Jen too probably. Maybe Eric and Sylvia did? Well, I think that exercise discouraged the professor from using the format he was using. I think he may have learned how dead the assignment was for a lot of people. 

Language shifts the way you think. I really want to go to a place where I am forced to think differently. I would like to go to Germany because I feel like it wouldn't be as intimidating. Plus, I could talk to Ralf. And Sylvia. And a whole country of others. Heck, I'm not even talking to the people in my own country, why do I want to speak to those in other countries? I talk to the people in my country about the ideals of bridging that gap. It is an act of extreme kindness to connect with other beings. Adena is connecting with German in the same way I am.. with the hopes of reaching out to another human. That is beautiful. What about all the other people who are doing that? 

Was konnte in der Kunst auf die Schrecken des Weltkriegs folgen? Eines jedenfalls war klar: Das rauschhaft nach außen gekehrte Innenleben der deutschen Expressionisten wollte niemand mehr sehen.
jedenfalls
rauschhaft
gekehrte
Innenleben
niemand
nach
außen


What could follow in the art the frights of the world war? In any case, one was clear: Nobody wanted to see the drunkenness-like outwardly turned inner life of the German expressionists.
in any case
drunkenness-like
turned one
Inner life
nobody
after
outside

No more detail when looked at with a newspaper. All that remains are dots .. that are neither good or bad.
If seen by a ladybug, it doesn't see either stories are dots. Except nothing has changed, it is the same newspaper.
If I move, he is not going to go away. What if he needs me to move, as much as I need me to move? He often ... not always... there are piec... I think my mind just turned off the video when it had a bad thought about it. How often have I progressively been doing this?

See, one thing I was upset about was Brain, the bus driver. I kept not going to his shows, not going to his shows, and I think he started thinking I was a shit-head (as I was also starting to think) and was sending me those shit-head vibes, which I absorbed.

I own it way too much. And if I go at moving with that kind of perspective, the outcome can only be great, right? Like he says, what is the point of worrying about something. I have other things to do, that I absolutely adore. And he will join me if he gets the time. See, I am giving him time to do his own work, separate from me. That if what Ralf was trying to tell me when he said, "then you're going to have to let him go." He was trying to tell me that I am HURTING Eric by expecting him to be someone he can't be, or just can't be at this moment... He left the door open! I do that at his place all the time... so maybe it is the doors?

Nobody like this crying all the time... but the people who have been able to suffer it, I know I have benefited from them. You can't really get to the real me until you can deal with my crying and maybe realize crying is my subconscious way of making you think fast? That might be part of the reason I think fast?! I'm trying to get away from this crazy little creature that wants to drag on to my coat tails.

I like to see and feel awesome things. The sewing things I make are a reflection of the amazingness I have seen in these places. Maybe the Monks on Monacoe picked an isolated gorgeous spot to put their monestary in a breathtaking place so they would always remember to be awed. We stop being awed when nothing new comes in. When you show people that you want to see..... Melissa saw me wanting to see! No one .. well, heather did once.. hiedi and Cindy said they want to, to. I have to see if guests are allowed to come with us to the lectures. And I have to start inviting people.

A cell phone helps with that kind of stuff. It is why a cell phone is important. It is why I should go on a plan with Eric. That is a spiritual reason for having money. Must tell him. And then, this amazing piece of technology has the special power of connecting Eric and I.

Then maybe it will be easier for me to be calmer?

I freak out so bad... I don't know if I even realized how attached I was to ERica and how un-healthy it was for both of us. is. ..
I'll post some of my art history notes later?

Multiple Realities

So, there are multiple realities going on. Different ones dominate during a certain duration and the atmosphere the person enters affects every fiber of their being. This is why Feng Shui can be important. This, at least, is why cleaning and keeping your things nice is important.

K, something I was thinking earlier that was negative. I was thinking I need a drug to bring out the part of me I like. I saw this with Blake -- that is how we are soul mates. I became the person I like to be because he got me high as fuck. But, I don't like part of that me... because that part of me starts to get really egotistical and awful. Its probably because I stick around. I don't use my courage and fricken DO something. Now I realize maybe that was the danger in resisiting Adena: I didn't say no because I had something else to do, I said no because I wanted to stay where I was. See... part of me had been thinking I only live here because of Eric and she picked up that... then I said no, I wanted to stay with Eric. Whereas before, I would think something totally bad about Eric and that is how he looked to everyone --> because they just heard about from me. Shame on me.

I don't really like writing Fiction, ya know? So should I go back and change some of these names. Man. I really started making some connections at the Y. I think this new gym membership by our house was a metaphysical way of Eric getting me away from the Y so my thoughts could settle down. See guys? If  I go as fast as you all, without this awesome lovely attention I get from Eric... how selfish does that sound? Seriously, no body has ...... I can't make that ultimatum. Why am I making any ultimatum?

I am glad this thing periodically saves. Is saved my butt the other day. It was one of the morning where I listened to the radio.. see.. I'm reving up, getting ready for another thought that matters to jump into my thouoghts <---- its because we think things like this, that I am sad. See, my thoughts create my reality. I dwelled on functioning like everyone else ---> the ideal of equality! See I knew it... this car wreck came to save my fricken life. After I left grandma's I wasn't doing well... I wasn't focusing on learning.  After the car wreck I was so fricken AWAKE. Now, after I have been making some more of my own choices, my life is once again conforming to these habits... those thoughts. So, what should I do now? I should study for this EXAM full of all sorts of fancy dancy art history stuff. I am so blessed to get to write some of my thoughts down for someone. I think art history will provide the language I need to talk to the people I need to. like, in society.

His head keeps flashing in my mind. Why do I want to be flashing in his? Because he has a spirit like Eric he just has a tenacious love for human beings. I absolutely adore that. Eric might have that kind of love for others...he just might.


A letter to Young is in the making. He has been on my mind. He has the power to help me give my message. That is the joy of artists getting to work together? It's so odd that I was with Jen having coffee and we saw him. That should have been a divine sign.

But haven't I also had divine signs with Eric? Becky would say so because Eric makes me relax and really looks at what I need. I get really freaked out going as fast as they go sometimes.

he has such power over me because he is doing what I want to be... maybe I am? People are different you know?

I just pray its smooth. I just pray its smooth. My thoughts are creating this reality. I t may be the least bit true. Oh man. What if his podcast forced me to think of him? I would think lots of other girls would think "Oooo he's talking to me!"? Why am I having such difficulty with these thoughts? I really don't know which way they are supposed to go. I can't decide what I am to do about Eric. Maybe this art show will tell me something?

I need to write up a little blurb explaining how the pieces are spiritual. Thankfully I have till like 1 to work on this type of stuff.

OK, Speyer Cathedral was in the 1000's? 1100's? It was romanesque. It was less flowery (less Tracery) because it was built further towards the tipping moment of the edge of existence (year 0). It has this porch kind of space full of walls lined with reliefs and a solitary, square, statue of a Lion in the center. See, this is about the only paragraph I would want people to read. But what about all the other stuff?

So, I thought this car wreck into existence. It happened to teach me something. Is Eric supposed to walk out of my life now? Maybe neither of my pieces will get selected for the art show and I will get to be Eric's guest for once, I thought this into being, also. See, we're growing.

And at this point the opposing side says, "Ok, whatever, do what you want" and since I just cut an opportunity in the throat... I also cut my life in the throat. May I have another shot? I think I may get one Monday. We'll see. I bet Melissa and Ralf will end up going out to Seattle together. No. That is a non sensical dysfunctional thought. Why would that even cross your mind? How am I able to talk to myself now?

Woah. I turned him down for Eric. My grip is pretty tight. And he is helping me construct the bad habits that make me a distrustful person. I am almost too comfortable. Once you get too comfortable you stop being thankful, as reflective (because I don't have to use that courageous side of me).

What if I try harder to remember to stay alive? Who ever said that me moving into the city is not just a way to nudge Eric?

Why am I thinking about it so much? It is kinda dysfunctional right now. So, shoulda caught the wave when I felt it up there.

I never knew you existed.